


Dysfunctional Neighbors

by PhantomWriter



Category: DC Extended Universe, Shazam! (2019), The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 06:13:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18543937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomWriter/pseuds/PhantomWriter
Summary: The Vasquez group home got a new neighbor across the street. They seem to be a normal family of seven. At first.On the other hand, Philly gets a new young group of superheroes. Nobody knows much about them aside from, well, they're kids.





	Dysfunctional Neighbors

**Author's Note:**

> The crossover fic nobody asked for, but you'll be getting anyway. Unbeta-ed. Enjoy.

It was a little close to dinner when Billy came home with Freddy after taking a short detour (a.k.a. stopped a mugging), and Darla was there to greet them with a hug before she rushed back from where she came from: the kitchen, from which a delicious smell of something baked was coming from as well. It occurred to both Billy and Freddy that they forgot to stop by the convenience store for a snack on the way.

"What's cooking?" Freddy asked the moment they stepped in the kitchen where Mary was whisking cream on a bowl with Darla and Eugene cracking eggs on the mixture. Pedro was doing his homework by the countertop, not too far from a batch of cookies. Freddy went by the stove, peering at the pan Victor was flipping.

"It's fried rice for dinner," Victor told him. "And hello to you. You guys are late. Help yourself with the cookies."

"Is that cake?" Billy asked from behind Rosa.

"Soufflé," Rosa replied, cutting strawberries in pieces and putting them away. There was another bowl with whole strawberries and a separate, smaller one with a chocolate dip. "Here. Saved some for you and Freddy."

"She's mastering her soufflé skills," Victor said past his shoulder as Billy and Freddy dug in on the strawberry. Billy might be partial with the fruit from now on. "For the new neighbor."

"What new neighbor?" Freddy asked, mouth full.

"That house across us to the left."

"The one with boarded windows?" Billy recalled Freddy telling him about it a few nights ago. Apparently, it was dubbed as the creepy house of the neighborhood. Billy didn't notice it on his first couple of days here, but once he did, the stark contrast of that certain house against a row of colorful houses was hard to ignore.

Darla gasped. "The haunted house?"

"Okay—first, no calling it that from now on, especially not in front of the new neighbors," Rosa admonished. "Second, be nice to them. I heard they have kids as well close to Billy and Freddy's age. It'll be nice to get along with your peers living this close to us."

"What happened to Maggy the Frog?" Freddy asked, sniggering.

It took Billy a minute to recognize the name as the lone old woman living at the haunted house. Freddy was convinced she was a witch of some sort, because if wizards were real, then why not witches too?

"Freddy." Victor  _tsked,_  but there was a glint of amusement at the reference.

_"Mrs. Stonewell_  left a few days ago for Kansas. She said her eldest daughter asked her to move in with her." When Rosa was met with surprise, she added with a shrug, "I asked. She told me."

"I thought she hates the neighbors," Freddy muttered. "Or people in general."

"She's just a recluse," Rosa defended. "And nobody approached her first. So."

Billy quietly slipped from the kitchen when the others settled to another lull of chatter concerning the neighbors. He wasn't that long around the area yet to know who was who, but Freddy was remedying that. Being Shazam hardly brought him to this part of town, therefore it was reassuring to know he was living somewhere quiet in terms of criminal activity.

The blinds on his shared bedroom with Freddy were open, and from his position he could see the house where their new neighbors moved in. Their windows were no longer boarded, and two on their second floor were opened, probably to air out the natural musty smell of an old house. A girl came to view to pull the blinds down.

Billy must have blinked a second too long, because the next thing he knew, a boy was on the same room as the girl, which was weird because the door was also visible and Billy didn't notice it moving. Huh.

As if sensing eyes on him, the girl's eyes met Billy's briefly with a frown, and before he knew it, he hastily stepped back and let his own blinds down. A few seconds later, he dared to peek again through the gaps and found the boy's disapproving stare directed at Billy's window before getting out of sight.

Okay, so that wasn't weird at all.

"Dude, what are you doing?" Freddy said, startling Billy. He limped towards him, glancing at Billy and to the window with a quirk of his brows. "Are you spying on the new neighbors?"

"What? No!"

Freddy snorted. "Yeah, sure. You just look like I didn't catch you." He dumped his bag on the bed and opened his laptop on his desk. "So what did you see?" he asked absently, scrolling through his screen.

"Nothing. Open windows. There's a boy and a girl. Rosa's right, they look the same age as ours." Billy debated whether to say but eventually decided to. "It's kinda weird, though, because I thought the boy suddenly appeared out of—"

"Billy, look at this!"

Billy hovered behind Freddy to look at the video of a… "Bank robbery?"

"Yeah. While we were at school." Freddy didn't appear to be worried or disappointed that Shazam wasn't there. He looked excited, in fact. "But watch this! It's a bit shaky, I know, but it's a viral video right now. Look!"

There were at least five armed men, and the video began with four of them already on the floor out cold, followed by another man who came into the limited view of the mobile camera as if he was thrown across the floor by something. There was a loud crash and the sound of shattered glass where the camera panned to in one blurry motion. There was more shouting, and amidst the fleeing people there were four who stood their ground, back on the camera. If Billy was to hazard a guess, one of them was a girl because the person was wearing a skirt. They seemed to be wearing a uniform from a fancy school.

The blurry video ended abruptly there.

"They did that?"

"Who else?" Freddy's grin was blinding as he smacked Billy on his arm. "Superpowered children, Billy!"

"We  _are_  superpowered children," Billy pointed out.

"We turn to adults, though, so we're technically inside our older bodies. Not to say that isn't cool or anything. But kids like us with superpowers!"

"Yell that again, will you? I don't think Rosa and Victor heard you," Billy said dryly. "I mean, there's a lot of superheroes around the country. It's cool that somebody could cover when we can't be there." Freddy waited impatiently for his point. "I'm saying I don't get the hype."

"You mean you're not excited to meet superhero peers? Exchange tips on studies and superhero-ing balance? How to pee on the costume? No? It's just me then."

"It's not a costume, I think. More like a school uniform." At Freddy's withering stare, Billy added, "… which isn't your point, I get it."

"Aren't you a little bit curious? You know what this means, right? We can form a Justice League. Young Justice or something."

"I thought we're already a team. You, me, Darla, Eugene, Pedro, Mary. Why do we need others?"

"Appreciate that, but I don't mean disregarding what we already have. I'm talking about allies that we can trust. Guys we can count on if we're not available."

Freddy was really ahead of the whole superhero agenda than Billy, so he knew Freddy has a point and not just putting his fanboy wishes out there. "Alright, alright," Billy grumbled. "What, do we contact them and extend an invitation?"

"Right. About that—see, they're new. And I mean new like seven-hours-ago new. They haven't given any official statement or at least names." Freddy scratch his head. "Reaching them might take awhile? Or until they make another appearance?"

"You mean impossible," Billy said flatly.

"Look. If we're Batman and Robin, then tracking these guys will be so easy. We can prowl at nights and enter every house in the state until we see them."

Billy pulled a face. "Dude, that's creepy and illegal."

"But if it's the Batman doing it, you don't hear people complaining. Superhero rights." Freddy blinked. "Actually, never mind. Not all of police like him."

"I don't think you should like him too if he breaks into every private property. Isn't it more believable if he has, I don't know, high-tech lair where he tracks people? You said before that it's part of the superhero manifesto that you gotta have an underground bunker for headquarters."

"True—hey, you're learning fast—but by that logic, it's possible that Batman has a wealthy sponsor, or he's a very rich guy himself. Oh my god, I have a theory!" The look Billy gave him was neither encouraging nor discouraging, but Freddy proceeded anyway. "What if Batman's sponsor is the Wayne Enterprises? Heck, what if Bruce Wayne is personally sponsoring him?"

Now that was a familiar name. Though who wouldn't know about that uber rich guy? He was the generic billionaire playboy you hear on the news, sure, and while Billy wasn't the news kind of person before the whole Shazam thing, he knew the name was relevant almost weekly, if not everyday. "Uh, I thought your theory will be that Bruce Wayne is the Batman."

"Him? Please. Can't imagine him letting his pretty face to be hurt. Batman can't be like: hey, you hit me on the face and it's gonna bruise so I'll sue you with my expensive lawyers." Freddy purposefully lowered his voice in a ridiculously raspy tone that Billy assumed was how Batman sounded. "Makes sense that he's a sponsor. Somebody else does the dirty work, and if there's ever a case that Batman's identity is revealed then Bruce Wayne will be hailed a hero by extension for backing up Batman. And while the secret is not out, he gets to waste his money usefully and leaves more room for his incoming greens."

Was this Bruce Wayne that bad to make this kind of impression to someone who hardly cared for almost anything outside the superhero circle? "If he is connected to a vigilante in some way, then he'll be arrested as well once when Batman is."

Freddy was wistful and uncharacteristically quiet when his eyes found the batarang back on its rightful place. Billy supposed it was far from Freddy's mind that Batman would be caught. How did they even jump to this topic?

"Back to the kids. Anything new on them online?"

"Right now reddit is in a flurry of giving names to them." Freddy typed and grinned at the screen once he made his comment on the forum. "I call dibs on calling them the Academy Kids."

* * *

Immediately the following evening, Rosa and Victor were herding the kids with them to the new neighbors' house to help carry the food over that should amount to a feast.

"I thought it'll be only Rosa and Victor?" Billy whispered to Freddy, carrying a casserole.

"I don't know the rules on this either," Freddy whispered back. "We're gonna eat anyway, just in another house, so I don't mind."

"There's no rules, but it's obvious that Rosa has gone overboard with the cooking," Mary told them in a hushed voice upon hearing the two. "Victor knows it too, but he knows this isn't a frequent occasion to Rosa." She shrugged.

"What are you guys whispering?" Darla piped in excitedly. "I can't wait to see them and inside Mrs. Stonewell's old house. Are we going to see ghosts there? Please say yes."

"I'd rather not, Darla. Trust me, you won't like to see one," Mary said.

"What's wrong with ghosts? I can run fast if I'm afraid. It's what I did with those bad guys we saved—"

"Shh!" Eugene interrupted. Nobody could cover Darla's mouth with their hands ladened with food containers. He gestured with his head sharply at Rosa who was a few steps ahead beside Pedro. "She'll hear you."

"Darla, you remember what we talked about, don't you? Don't tell Rosa and Victor, don't tell your friends and even your best friend. No telling on the new neighbors too, okay?" Mary gently reminded her.

Darla heaved a huge sigh. "I know." She looked glum but recovered easily with a big smile. "But I know that was real so it's okay, I guess."

The house might no longer be boarded and seemingly did not allow even a sliver of sunlight in, but it retained its outward dilapidation and natural eerie vibe. By Halloween, hardly an effort would be required to decorate, Billy thought, if the new residents weren't planning on making drastic changes.

There were two male voices arguing whether to order takeout when Victor pressed the doorbell. The ringing interrupted the voices, and a lengthy silence followed. Billy wondered what was keeping them so long when a minute passed and nobody answered the door.

Finally, a man opened the door slightly with a threatening frown that instantly went confused upon seeing them.

"Good evening. Sorry to drop by unannounced," Rosa said, all smiles. "We're your neighbor across the street, and we want to welcome you to the neighborhood. We bring dinner."

"Diego, who's—" A man in black leather skirt came into view and found a rather huge family by the door. "Oh, hello there," greeted the new man, chirpy. "Please do come in—Diego, that was very rude of you not to invite them inside," he chided.

"I'm Klaus, and this is my… husband, Diego Hargreeves." Diego warily spared Klaus a glance when the latter seemingly grinned triumphantly at the introduction.

"I'm Rosa Vasquez. This is Victor, my husband." They exchanged handshakes. "And, of course, our kids. We run a group home, you see. Our oldest is Mary, then there's Billy, Freddy, Pedro, Eugene, and our youngest, Darla."

"Hello, sirs," Darla greeted enthusiastically.

"Aww, aren't you a cute little button?" Klaus cooed. "Speaking of kids," he paused, tilting his head slightly. "Ours are on their way down."

There were three boys that came down the stairs and a girl with curly hair following them. By estimation, most were thirteen or fourteen, the blond the oldest seeing as he was the tallest of the bunch.

"Luther is the tallest boy," Klaus pointed out. Only one of the kids went beside their parents. "This sweet guy is Ben." Another boy was sitting on a couch, observing the guests and the kids. "That old man there is Five. Weird name, I know, but it's easy to remember."

"It's unique," Victor said amicably, nodding at Five's direction.

"Then there's our girl, Allison."

Billy frowned. Wasn't there another girl that he saw through the window yesterday? He knew for sure it wasn't Allison that he saw.

"There's another girl staying with us upstairs. Her name is Vanya. She doesn't usually come down, so I'm sorry that she can't join us today."

"Is she okay?" Rosa asked worriedly as they were led to the dining room.

"She's often sick, that's all." At Diego's answer, he received a glare from Five. "I'll bring her dinner upstairs first, if you don't mind. Five, come with me."

They were cramped at the dining room that some of the kids were by the kitchen counter instead. Darla sat with Rosa and Victor by the table where Diego and Klaus's kids were. Allison has taken a liking to Darla immediately and was talking beside her animatedly.

"Do you mind if I join you?" Ben asked, bringing his plate.

Mary sat up and offered her seat. "It's cool. Have fun, boys." She winked, taking Ben's place at the table.

"Hello. Freddy, right?"

"It's Billy, actually. That's Freddy."

"Oh, sorry. Not good with names when it comes to group introductions."

"It's fine," Billy said. Diego returned to the table with a deeper frown than when he left for upstairs. "We're not interrupting you or anything, are we?" Billy asked quietly.

"Of course not." Ben followed his line of vision and smiled knowingly. "Don't mind Diego. He's like that everyday that you get used to his anger management issues."

"He's always angry?" Billy recalled a foster parent who was the same and often had one too many. He got a large bruise from the guy and that was it for that home.

Ben studied him as if reading Billy's mind. "Oh, no. Not that kind of angry. Short-tempered but he'll hurt himself first before Klaus and us."

Well, good to know.

"It's cool you have two dads," Freddy butted in. "It's like having two Victors. Not that I'm saying I don't like Rosa. She's awesome."

"Yeah, nice of them to drop by and bring dinner. You guys too," Ben said.

"We kinda got roped into this," Freddy confessed. "Not that we mind, though. Food and all." He spotted Eugene bringing out his PSP while the food was being served. "Eugene, no gadget on the table."

"But we're not at home," Eugene insisted.

"Which is ruder," Freddy said. He met Pedro's eyes. Wordlessly, Pedro held out his hand, and Eugene handed him the PSP, fuming.

"You'll get this later," Pedro promised.

"You get along well," Ben observed. "You're with them long?"

"A few months. They're easy to get along with. You?"

"Klaus and Diego adopted us all at once, and they've been working well together before despite the personality difference." Ben looked utterly amused when he said that. "For better or for worst, right?"

"Right." Now that Ben pointed it out, Klaus seemed to be the complete opposite of Diego. He looked mischievous in contrast with Diego who appeared uptight. If Klaus was the outgoing parent, then Diego was the disciplinarian.

At the table, Rosa and Victor engaged Klaus and Diego with stories of how they got Mary and the others, sharing that they were foster children themselves. Klaus was livelier compared to his partner who listened mostly and said a word or two at the right place. He seemed more relaxed at the whole duration of the conversation, though, and would pass the food to his kids and would check on Ben. Diego didn't forget to be attentive to their young guests as well.

"What do the two of you do?"

"Spelunking," Klaus answered.

"That was one time," Diego said shortly. "We do treasure hunting."

"Because that sounds less ludicrous,  _dear."_  Klaus rolled his eyes. "We return missing items to rightful owners. We were surprised there are a lot of missing objects in this country, and before we know it, we get reward moneys for our service. It's all for fun, really. My dad left me a huge inheritance, and Diego's mom to him. But while rolling on the dough is fine and dandy, Diego's been meaning to enter the police force."

"The police? Good fellas, and they could always use more people like you," Victor said.

"Thanks," Diego said, and he seemed to appreciate that.

"Oh, hon, you're blushing," Klaus teased.

Diego rolled his eyes fondly. "Shut up."

"Don't be fooled by his macho veneer. Diego's all soft and gooey inside," Klaus said, earning a laugh from Rosa. "Look at our Five here. If I didn't know, I'd say he's Diego's biological son."

Five's smile was almost feral with all that teeth. "He's still my father either way," he said. If they strained their ears, they would think he gritted the words. "Right,  _dad?"_

Luther coughed.

"I'll kiss you right now if I'm not sitting so far away," Klaus declared, making grabby hands towards Five. "That was so sweet, darling."

Luther coughed again.

"Luther, dear, something on your throat?" Klaus asked.

"Pardon us. This is a normal dinner." Allison sighed affectionately. Darla was talking to her about school, and Allison has been listening attentively.

Mary shrugged. "It's not so bad. Soufflé?"

"Yes, please." Allison made an appreciative noise. "This is good."

"Nobody cooks soufflé here?"

"Diego knows omelet at best. Klaus is helpless at the kitchen. I try to salvage Klaus's cooking if I can whenever he's in an experimenting mood. You must have heard earlier if it would be Thai or Chinese. Been living off on takeouts for a while," she said. "By next week, we've tried all the take-out stores in this town. And we're not even here a week."

"Feel free to drop by to us. Rosa often cooks for at least ten people." At Allison's arched brow, Mary added, "They'll invite you guys over too, you know. I'm inviting in advanced."

"Great! Allison and I will cook together," Darla said. "Can we bake a cake?"

"Of course. Anything you want," Allison said amiably. Mary noted that Allison would agree on anything Darla would propose. Well, Darla has that kind of effect on people.

Dinner went on as a merry affair that even Rosa lost track of time. Diego and Victor even has their own line of chat over a couple of beers about places Diego and his family moved from and where Victor and Rosa brought the children for camping trips.

"I apologize for cutting this short. It's school night for the kids," Rosa said regretfully. "It's been nice, Klaus, Diego. Send our regards to Vanya. Please do come over sometimes to us, hopefully all of you. We like visitors."

Mary shared an I-told-you-so look with Allison.

"Speaking of school," Victor began. "You enrolled the kids to Fawcett High yet? Ours go there, and Mary's on her last year. They could all go to school together every morning."

"School?" Diego deadpanned, blinking. "Right—you're right. I—We forgot."

Victor laughed. "I know. The move has been hectic. But can't be too early with the education."

At the background, Five, who was listening intently since the neighbors' arrival, suddenly looked alarmed at the prospect of school, mouthing a 'what the fuck' that went unseen by anybody.

"We'll do that, thanks for the reminder," Klaus said brightly, his beam a tad stretching. "Have a nice evening."

* * *

"I think I know now why you were spying on them." Freddy nodded sagely.

"Dude, I wasn't spying."

"I'm not judging, Billy. Allison is kinda cute."

Billy waited for the 'I'm just pulling your leg' and a playful smack on the arm that never came. "What?"

"Stating the obvious."

"Uh huh," Billy said unsurely. "The boy I saw is Five, but the girl isn't Allison. It's Vanya, I think." Speaking of, she didn't seem sickly the brief moment Billy spotted her.

Freddy gave him a sympathetic pat on the back. "Don't worry, you'll see her properly next time."

"Geez, I'm not—you know what? I'm not having this conversation." Billy put on his sweatshirt and his signature beanie. "I'm going out. You coming?"

Freddy grinned, saluting. "Reporting for duty, Captain."

* * *

**TBC**


End file.
